allmhadadh | Engineer's log: Stardate, unknown

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Engineer's log: Stardate, unknown

The mission: Keep Captain Kirk from doin' somethin' with the natives (aye, plural) of this universe that they may never recover from, all while tryin' not to see things that'd make me wanna jump into an antimatter stream.

Status: ... we're in a lot o' bloody trouble.

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Oh, you're here too? I don't suppose you brought some of that whiskey with you? I could use a good stiff drink - have you seen Jim's logs? I think there might be a virus. In his brain.

Hmm. Any way you can engineer us a way out of this predicament?

Aye, unfortunately. Ye know that every time the Captain and Spock get into some kind o' trouble, we're left holdin' things together.

I'll have a Yeoman bring a bottle. I saw enough to make me realize no amount o' whiskey in the world will erase that particular nightmare. I've taken to readin' Vulcan tech journals in hopes that it'll numb my brain more effectively.

As for an engineering solution... aren't viruses yer specialty? I'm chewin' on it, but (theoretically) how does anyone deal with a sex-mad captain and a seemingly complicit XO?

*Brings bottle*

I am afraid that Vulcan tech journals do not work, Commander. When it comes to the kink meme...

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

Lass! How've ye been?

As for this... madness, I'm pretty sure self-preservation would have to win out. I've near gotten killed enough times for romance, I'm not about to go flingin' myself headlong into a situation where whatever damn gypsy curse I've got has a chance to finish the job.

Pleasure to see you, Commander! I hope your trip to this universe was uneventful.

And regarding the meme... I'm pretty sure you've actually died for romance, sir, at least once. Or maybe it was Chekov who died for you? I don't recall exactly. It was very touching, however.

~~What does Chekov have to do with anything?~~

Don't answer that.

No, I think I'm just gonna avoid any romantic entanglements. They're deadly enough in our own universe, I can't imagine how bad they'd be in this one.

Mind, I've not gone and given up hope o' finding the right woman. But if I'm gonna end up potentially fried by a robot with father-issues, blasted by a toga-wearin' bastard or possessed by ancient evils, I'm gonna make sure she's the one I'd settle down with.

Reckless ingrates - they don't deserve us. We do all the work some times, and they get all the glory, seems like.

How? Hit 'em with a hypo and lock them up (in separate rooms) until they come to their senses.

That might work, Doctor, but we can't very well keep 'em locked in forever. Maybe just long enough to get 'em cured, if ye've got any ideas of what exactly is causin' this?

Near as I can figure, the more ye actually interact with this new universe, the more ye get sucked in by whatever this is. I mean, it's only a theory, but the captain's interacted the most and gone off the rails, aye? And Mister Spock's gettin' to be nearly so bad.

So the answer would be, hypothetically, to cut their interaction off. But I dinna know if there'd be any lingering effects. Or potentially dangerous ones, either.

...see, now this is why I became an engineer. Machines make sense.

You know I can see this.

And I have no idea what you two are talking about. I haven't done anything! I fail to see how some innocent flirting is a violation of the Prime Directive, or whatever it's called.

As for Scotty's suggestion, the "lingering effects" would be you two on probation, Mister.

I feel like there's some vague suggestion you're making about rooms, but my imagination fails me.

Innocent?!

...

Sorry, sir, that was my head rebounding off o' the monitor here.

You need to loosen up, Scotty. Really, all that stress isn't good for you, or the Enterprise.

Last time someone suggested that, I got possessed and had my body hijacked to commit murder. That sort o' thing tends to make a man a wee bit twitchy about... well, everything, frankly.

Though, ye may have a point, Captain.

Maybe I should put in for a month's leave. Go home, visit the family, maybe go fishin'...

Good point. I'm sorry about that, Scotty. That outing didn't go as I'd intended, obviously. Maybe you should look for some release onboard the Enterprise?

And I don't mean with your technical journals.

I think ye had a point the first time. It would be nice to go back to Earth for a bit; I barely had time to spoil my niece and nephew last time, and they're growin' too fast. Then I could give that lecture on shield-modulation tech at the Academy while I'm there, too. And maybe go sailin'...

I mean, it's not like ye haven't done this sort o' thing before. And ye'd never put this ship and crew in any danger that ye couldn't get us back out of, right? Ye'll make sure we're safe here, too, I'm sure.

Goin' home sounds like a bonny idea.

Sounds good, Scotty. Really good. You have it all planned out.

Just please have some sex while you're down there. Okay?

...

Sir, I'm a gentleman. If I did, I sure wouldna be tellin' you about it.

I'll write up the formal leave request in a couple days, once I get done makin' sure everything aboard's in Bristol fashion.

Well I didn't ask you tell me about it, did I? It's not like we haven't shared a few secrets between ourselves before, in any case.

Good man, Scotty.

With all due respect, sir, I think you and Mr. Scott have very different definitions of 'loosen up.'

Of course we do. That's why humanity is so amazing.

It's still true that lots of those definitions involve sex.

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Engineer's log: Stardate, unknown

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